You know, I've dreamt a million times about the day when I'd get to come back to the states, even if just for a visit. But I'm pretty sure no dream had circumstances like these. I'm going home alone, for months, and spending several significant holidays away from my husband. As excited as I am to see my family and friends...it's all very bittersweet for me. Couple that with the fact I'm staying with my parents, the same parents that pretty well turned their back on me for 7 months out of this year and let's just say...going home makes me nervous. I'm assuming they'd like to think I just forgot about the part where they skipped my wedding and told me I wasn't part of the family anymore. But yeah. Shit like that sticks, doesn't it? Of course, now I'm having their only grandchildren and all is right with the world! Anyway, clearly I'm harboring some resentments that will probably rear their ugly head while I'm in labor.
Of course, at the same time, I want to see them. And my friends. But dudes. I've grown accustomed to this life here. That's not the same as loving it, mind you. But all the same...I've adapted. For the past few years, I've not spent more than four or five months in one place and I was hoping for once I could make a home SOMEWHERE for a little while. Now suddenly I'm being uprooted again and I guess I'm feeling a little lost. I've finally gotten used to the weather, the access to food, getting around, driving on the effed up side of the road and now...BAM! I'm back to "normal" life. And then once I get used to that, I have babies, and then I come back to THIS.
Anyway, I know a lot of my friends are excited to see me and the feeling is mutual in probably 99% of the cases. But at the same time, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I know it'll be "ok" because trust me, after the shit I've been through, this is nothing. I'm sitting here staring at my suitcases though, and realizing that the next time I'm sitting here (after a week or so) is when I'm back here with two little babies. Yikes.