Well I had yet another doctor's appointment today. Apparently having twins in Thailand means your life is basically over. I can't have sex after 24 weeks of pregnancy, I can't go on any vacations effective now "just in case something happens", and the doctor tried telling me I couldn't even lift weights. Well I drew the line there. Give me a goddamn break. I could beat the shit out of 98% of the women in this country. I am pregnant. That does not mean I am a fragile, weak woman. I am lifting a few weights. I am doing the elliptical. The babies are fine. I am fine. I have low blood pressure. There is no reason for me to lay around with a jar of smelling salts and eat bon bons all day.
Anyway, I left pretty fucking crabby about life in general and I'm still in a funk. I'm sure some of you out there will blame this all on those fucking "pregnancy hormones" but screw that. I'm tired of "being strong." Never before in my entire life have I been asked to give up so much in so little time. I don't have my family, my friends, my job, my car, the foods I like, the comforts of my own country. And now I don't have my body, my running, the ability to just GO SOMEWHERE, drinking, smoking, and oh yeah. Sex. Holy shit. This must be what hell's like. AND I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD THE KIDS YET.
Don't go thinking I need to be checked into some kind of mental institution. I think a lot of women feel this way. I think they just feel bad about saying it outloud and looking like a bitch. Or maybe I'm just saying that to make myself feel better. I don't care. Whatever. I'm not depressed. I get up the in the morning and do shit. I still find enjoyment in life. I don't hate being married or shit like that. But today I'm feeling suffocated and I miss my life the way it used to be. All I want to do is run again. Like today. Not in a year from now.
So because I have no choice I guess I'm just going to get the fuck over it and fake it until I feel it. Right now I am not feeling it, people.